I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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