she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
