My room smells like vodka and shame
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
