I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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