I just saw a hot homeless man
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
