I want to have your abortion
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
