The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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