That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Randomize
