You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
