guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
