There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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