apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
