I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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