Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
