Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
