I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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