Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
