forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
