the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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