just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
