ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
