So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
