just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Bring me that man meat
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
