I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
