She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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