very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
