I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
