I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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