Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize