I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
