I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
