i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
