I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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