I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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