What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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