For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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