whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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