Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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