You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
