all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize