are you still at the devil's house?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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