He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
