Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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