Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just want to make out with him forever
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
