About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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