I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
