I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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