Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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