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best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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