not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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