11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize