Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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