I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
