I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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