someone get that fucking seahorse.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
