Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
