I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
you had me at cake vodka
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
