i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
