we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
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