I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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