is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
