allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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