I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize