i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
